Student life is often described as a time when you finally get to feel free. Free to make your own decisions, live on your own, spend time with friends, and simply have fun without having someone else telling you what to do. At the same time, I have come to realize that this is not always what being a student is actually like. There is a certain utopia surrounding student life – an image of what it is supposed to be like.
I have been studying for three years and have now started my fourth year at JU. Today, I would say that I genuinely love student life. But if I am being honest, my first two years were filled with longing for that student utopia that never quite seemed to come my way. I felt extremely lonely.
But it was something I eventually overcame.
Dare to Ask!
During my second year of university, I ended up in a completely new class where everyone had already formed their own groups of friends and already knew each other. I felt like I had no natural place in the class, so I withdrew.
After a few weeks, a girl in my class came up to me and asked if I, along with two other girls, wanted to start a study group together. I was honestly a little shocked. The other girls in the new study group already had plenty of friends, so why would they want me to be part of their group?
But we started studying together. And after only a few hours, it came out that the other three girls also felt lonely. They simply hadn’t dared to ask anyone else to hang out because they assumed that everyone already had their own friends and busy lives.
This is something we have probably all heard before, but it is still worth stopping to think about. We often assume that everyone else has lots of friends, plans, and things to do. But when you actually dare to find out how other people are doing, you may discover that many of them feel exactly the same way.
So dare to ask. Dare to say hello. Dare to ask someone if they want to study together or grab a coffee.
You might be surprised by the answer.
Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company
This might sound contradictory. But one important way to feel less lonely is actually to learn how to be alone.
Because although I am writing about how to overcome loneliness, I don’t believe that loneliness and being alone have to be the same thing.
I used to feel a heavy weight in my chest at the thought of having to sit at home alone. Today, I appreciate my time alone in a completely different way.
Find a TV show you enjoy. Make your apartment feel really cozy and inviting. Cook yourself a nice meal. Find something creative that you enjoy. For me, that turned out to be crocheting, which allows me to relax and switch off in a way I had never experienced before.
Being able to enjoy your own company doesn’t mean that you don’t need other people. It simply means that spending time alone no longer has to feel empty.
Find Clubs and Organizations – Even Outside University
There are clubs and organizations for almost everything!
When I first started studying, I felt excluded from student life because I am not someone who enjoys going to AKA and partying. At the same time, I do enjoy being social – meeting friends and doing fun things together.
After a while, I realized that there is so much more to student life than what you might see on the surface.
Today, I am a member of JUVE, the university choir, as well as Edit. Through these activities, I feel like I am still part of student life in a way that suits me.
But a sense of community doesn’t even have to come from university.
For example, I am part of a group at the Church of Sweden for young adults between the ages of 22 and 30, where we meet and talk about life. That group has given me several new friends.
Or why not create your own community?
Invite a friend, who can then invite another friend, and let the group grow from there. I have a group of friends that was created exactly this way. Everyone brought along a friend, and today we take turns hosting a little girls’ night at our homes once a month.
A group of strangers who became close friends.
You Are Not Alone in Feeling Lonely
Finally, there is one thing I want you as a reader to take away from this: you are not alone in feeling lonely.
There are so many people out there who feel exactly like you do – people you would never guess are lonely. The person who always sits with someone at university. The person who seems to have plans every weekend. The person who always seems to have someone to talk to.
You never really know what is happening behind the scenes.
And even though loneliness can sometimes feel very difficult to escape, it doesn’t have to be permanent.
And sometimes, a study group can become the beginning of something much bigger.
Writer: Nora Rogö
