You’re lying in bed scrolling through your phone. You see, one friend has just announced a new internship. Another one is travelling through south Asia. Someone else your age has launched a business, and a former classmate is moving in with their partner. Meanwhile you’re wondering whether you should be working, studying, exercising, saving or investing money or figuring out what to do with your life. Why do so many people feel like they’re falling behind, when they’re actually doing reasonably well?
Nowadays, there is no longer a clear single path. Living through adulthood has become less structured over the last years. People graduate at different ages, some travel, some work, some start businesses, and others might pursue a master’s degree. Good thing here is that we have a ton of freedom, as there is no strict line that we have to follow to be considered successful. On the other hand, there’s also no clear benchmark anymore, since everyone is on a different path, it’s hard to know whether you’re doing well or not.
Back in the days, when social media wasn’t yet such a big thing, people only had a few others to compare themselves to. People like their friends, neighbors, colleagues or someone from tv. Today, you can compare yourself to everyone. There’s not only one version of success anymore. You see people being successful in their career, their relationship, financially, travelling or exercising. All at once. The problem here isn’t necessarily envy. The problem is that every time you open your phone, someone else seems to achieve something while you’re just doomscrolling.
And while you’re doomscrolling you risk falling into something called “productivity trap”. There are endless videos about “self-improvement culture”, from productivity influencers and about constant optimization out there. And the message that our brain receives is “If you’re not progressing, you’re wasting your time.” We all know it. Even if this scenario doesn’t happen too often, but there are times when we actually have nothing to do, no assignments no to-dos. Perfect time to calm down and relax, however it has come that far that even relaxing feels unproductive.
“We aren’t only competing with others anymore, we’re competing with the person we think we should become.”
This next part is important. Have you thought about that maybe nobody is actually ahead. Let’s look at the examples I mentioned before. The person with the great internship might be anxious, the person travelling might be unsure of their own future and the person posting about their relationship might have their own struggles. Everyone’s life can look structured and coherent from afar, yours is the only one you see in full detail. This makes it impossible to really compare your life to anyone else’s.
Perhaps the question isn’t why everyone is behind. Perhaps it’s why so many people believe they should already be somewhere else. In a world, where there is no longer a strict path through adulthood, feeling uncertain may not be sign of failure. It might just be the sequence in life of trying to find your own direction while seeing everyone else’s.
Writer: Tina Karl
